Keys To A Successfull Marriage

KEYS TO A
SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

Unless the Lord builds the house,
they labor in vain who build it.

Poetry

Aaj Youn Mousam Nay D

 Dukh Dard Main Hamesha Nikalay

 

 Falak Pay Chand K Haalay

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poetry

Urdu Poetry

Ahmad Faraz

Aarzadgan-e-Shehar Ka

Ab K Rut Badli To

Ab K Tajdeed-e-Wafa ka

Ab Kiska Jashn Manatay ho

Abre Bahar Ab K Bhi

Aisay Chup Hain k Yeh

Ay Dil Un Ankho

Ay Khuda Jo Bhi Mujhay

Barha Mujhsay Kaha

Barson K Baad Daikha

Buhat Haseen Hain

Daikhay He Nahi Woh Lab

Dil Behalta Hay Kahan

Dil Girafta He Sahi

Dil To Woh Barg-e-Khizan

Ek Sangtraash

Ham To Youn Khush Thay

Har Ek Baat Na Kiun

Har Tamashai Faqat

Jism Shola Hay Jabhi

Jo Bhi Dukh Dia

Jo Ranjishain Thi Dil main

 

Job Bhi Dard-e-Dil hay

Joo Teray Koi Bhi Din

Khamosh Ho Kiun Daad-e-Jafa

Khawab Martay Nahi

Kia Aisay Kam Sukhan Say

Kis Bojh say Jism Toot’ta

Main Ek Barg-e-Khizan

Na Hareef-e-jan Na Shareek

Or Us Nay

Pathar Ke Tarah Agar Main

Qurbato Main Bhi

Ranjish He Sahi

Sab Log Liay Sang

 

Sehar K Suraj

Shagufta Dil hain K

Sitamgari Ka Har Andaaz

So Doorion Pay Bhi

Suna Tu Hay K Nigah

 

Tujhsay Bichar K Ham

Tumnay Dharti K Maathay pay

Wafa K Baab Main

Woh Chand Mera Hamsafar Tha

Woh Paiman Bhi Tootay

Yeh Meri Ghazlain

Youn To Pehlay Bhi Huay

 

 

 

 

 

Same Sex in Different Socities

Same-sex relationship
A Same-sex relationship can take one of several forms, from romantic and sexual, to non-romantic close relationships between two persons of the same sex.

The term same-sex relationship may be used when the sexual orientation of participants in a same-sex relationship is not known. As bisexual or pansexual people may participate in same-sex relationships, some activists claim that referring to a same-sex relationship as a “gay relationship” or a “lesbian relationship” is a form of bisexual erasure. The term same-sex marriage is used similarly.

How to Impress a Girl!

Steps

1.Be well-groomed. Brush your teeth, floss, shower, wash your hair, and apply acne medicine (if you have a problem with your skin) daily. Don’t wear your pants off your butt, often called “sagging”, it’s not that attractive to the majority of girls. This is essential if you are even going to approach an attractive girl. Wear clean, attractive clothes (if in doubt, get an older sister or close female friend to help you in this department).Don’t wear skin tight clothes either.
2.Have a great attitude. Be fun to hang around with, easy to laugh with, and be outgoing. Just don’t be full of yourself. Don’t try to impress everyone – girls like humble guys. At the same time, a sense of humor is always a plus.
3.Show respect. If you respect everyone and give them their space, they’ll all respect you. With girls, it works even better. If they see you respecting everyone, and not getting pushed around while you’re at it, they will be reassured that you will treat them right. Be kind to all.
4.Have good conversations. Don’t talk about how you beat the King Black Dragon in Runescape… unless you know them well enough that you know they are at least semi-interested (otherwise, it’s just a big jumble to her). Try to aim for you both to be speaking 50% of the time, but make sure that you are saying something worthwhile; it’s not attractive when only one person talks endlessly.
5.Show interest in her – let her talk. The #1 mistake when talking to a girl is focusing on yourself. Girls are way more comfortable when they talk about common interests. Ask about their interests, hobbies, favorite books, music, etc. but not in that stalker kind of way. If she asks you a question, answer it in a few, short sentences and then redirect the question back at her. This engages her in the conversation. When in doubt, compliment her.
6.Try flirting! If you both make eye contact, do not be the one to look away, but do not stare for too long. When you both make eye contact, just give a slight smile. She may look away and she might blush a little. Be careful though; you don’t want to stare her down. A good move is to look away, and if she likes you she will shoot you glances. Watch for that. And be chivalrous. Open doors. Give Gifts. Do kind things. Girls love that.
7.Respect her friends and their ideas and opinions. Always speak highly of her and never talk trash about her. It will damage her reputation and yours and she’ll possibly dump you. Of course, her friends are going to tell her that you trash talked her. Hopefully then it will work both ways – she will be tolerant of your friends. Be careful not to compliment her friends too much, however. Example: You may say “Your friends seem cool. We should hang out with them and my friends some time, I think they’d get along”. You may not say “Sally is so hot. She has the nicest eyes”.
8.Have your friends be nice to her It’s a fantastic thing when your friends don’t make a total fool of you. Warn them ahead of time and avoid topics pertaining to embarrassing moments of your past or awkward jokes that make very little sense.
9.Be polite to her parents. Be kind to everyone, especially them. Don’t be too over-the-top charming with the parents, however, or they’ll think that you have something to hide.
10.Don’t criticize her. Unless she asks for constructive criticism. And even then she probably wants you to compliment her.
11.Be romantic, but not over the top. If you’ve been dating for a while you may attempt a grand romantic gesture (note: “A while”=a month MINIMUM) otherwise, you’ll look like a stalker.
12.Start talking to her casually. If you don’t know her, make friendly conversation. Ask for the time, and/or compliment her watch.
13.Do not play “hard to get”. Sure, you’ll get their attention for a day or two then after a while, the girl will end up frustrated or think that you hate her for whatever reason, and she’ll think you don’t find interest in her anymore. Or if she likes a guy who’s like that, her friends might not like you because you’re acting like a jerk (this happens way too much).
14.Be careful with what you say. Remember, Hotty McHotterson is not your pal Lenny. Do not discuss bodily functions in her presence, or make jokes of a sexual nature unless she starts doing so.
15.Hum a few bars of a song she likes around her. She might think of you whenever she hears that song. And she’ll probably be impressed by your good taste in music. Some girls have actually dumped guys or stopped liking guys when they insulted the music they like. So, it’s OK not to like her music, but don’t be insulting her favorite singer/band! Try to agree with her as much as possible but not so over the top that she knows your not being yourself. Make sure the song is not overtly feminine however. For instance, a Killers song is okay, an Ashley Tisdale song, not so much.
16.Start an inside joke with her! She will feel included and become closer to you. It also gives you an easy-to-come-up-with conversation starter. Try not to overuse it and kill the joke.
17.End later meetings with a hug, or plans to meet some other time, if you can.
18.Do not tell her that you “like her”. Ask her out. If she rejects you, all is well. Example: You: “Betty, want to go to dinner on Saturday night?” Betty: “Sorry, I just think of you as a friend” You: “Oh, no offense. A bunch of us were talking about going, and I thought you might like to join us.”
19.Try to get her attentions to your plus and away from minus , but be original !!!
20.Touch her ocassionally, like on the shoulder or hand.(but be sure to do it in a non-threatening way)!
21.Opposites attract. Be a courageous gentleman, not coy like a lady might be. Stand up for her,

Tips•

If you hold a girl around her hips, it will seem like a romantic move for her. Girls LOVE romantic moves. She will feel important, and that someone actually likes her. If she says to stop, stop. Nothing is worse than a girl seeing you as a harrasser. If she acts a little odd, stop. Don’t take it personally because some girls just don’t know how to act around guys. Do it another day if this happens.
•Show sympathy and affection. If the girl you really enjoy being around is sad or hurt, give her a quick hug. Don’t just say that you’re sorry and you hope she feels better. Hold your left arm around her waist, right hand at the base of her neck or holding her head.
•If you have braces, glasses and acne… don’t be disheartened! Wear contacts, use some Proactiv/Accutane, and voila. Girls put a lot of effort into their appearance, perhaps you should do the same. But don’t think just because you have braces, glasses, or acne, that the world is over, sometimes it works! Many people believe that braces are a fashion statement!
•Have good posture!
•Don’t act tough or try to be a thug. This doesn’t attract girls.
•Don’t follow her around everywhere. It automatically gives you a reputation as a stalker, and it will freak her out. Even following her just a little can create a stalker rep., depending on how you act. How you act can determine whether she will actually want you to be around her all the time or if even just seeing your face is too much contact. if you know she see’s you as a stalker, lay off because trying to do damage control tends to just worsen your situation, instead try to get a friend of your or of hers to help your issue.
•If she just doesn’t get that you like her (which most likely won’t happen because girls are pretty good at detecting this kind of stuff!) drop hints.
•Don’t play games. Waiting a few days to call her , showing up a little late to things or anything like that is only proving you are unreliable, a fake and a loser. Likewise, don’t tolerate it if she does any of these things to you.
•Use correct grammar when texting her or talking to her. If you don’t then she will think that you aren’t very intelligent and that will turn certain girls off. (E.G. use predictive (T9) text so that you can’t spell something wrong in a text, if you’re unsure of apostrophes and such just say the full word (e.g. “they’re” is “they are”, but “their” means a group of peoples’ belongings) also if you’re not the best at getting this right in conversation then read up on how to speak proper english)
•While it’s important to connect to her friends, you must avoid coming off as a player. If a girl’s friends do not approve of you, this will influence her opinion of you.
•Don’t be weird around her. NOTE: Weird and unusual are different things. Some girls will see your unusual attribute as unique and special, especially if it endears you because it’s a secret from one of your friends.
•Share a secret with her and hope she shares one with you (e.g., strike up a conversation starting with something along the lines of “Do you want to know a secret?” If she reciprocates then it shows she trusts you and knows you trust her. DON’T be disheartened if she doesn’t share one back straight away, she will take your secret as a sign of your trust and this will build your relationship.
•Don’t be a fake.
•Don’t stand in the back and be quiet all the time, you’ll look weird.
•Always be careful and respectful with her.

 Warnings•

If you have followed all the steps above and it didn’t work, don’t feel disheartened. Be proud that you made an effort and accept that it wasn’t meant to be. If you decide to still be friends, don’t be bitter if she moves on to a new guy.
•Also, it says above that some girls like to talk about themselves- remember, some girls do. Some also would rather not have you obsessing about her hobbies, sports, etc. Be cool. Relate what she’s saying to something about you, and then continue the conversation.
•Remember to talk about yourself and your own hobbies etc. That way you come off as a good conversationalist and as a person with a life. DON’T hog the conversations though and be sure to LISTEN and find out about her too.
•Every girl is different! Find out if she likes tattoos before you show her the skull and crossbones tattoo on your chest! (It’s probably a bad idea to get a skull and crossbones tattoo on your chest (or elsewhere))
•Never rush her or pressure her or show her a bad attitude.
•Don’t talk about her weight or ask her anything related to this subject. Even the girls with the most attractive bodies have insecurities. Even a comment intended as a joke could seriously hurt her feelings. Leave this subject alone. If she asks you about how she looks boost her confidence, tell her something nice or flirt.
•At the same time, keep your own weight in check. Eat healthfully and work out. Don’t go too crazy with the body building, but being toned never hurts. Watch out for skinny-fat (where you are skinny but flabby).
•Girls love confident guys, but don’t be cocky. A cocky guy turns girls off.
•If you have problems with shyness, think of the most confident person you know and of what they would do in each situation. Don’t be fake, just change your mindset.
•Girls like that you care enough to buy them something. Don’t go overboard and get flowers for her unless the time calls for it or she is very likely to think you did something wrong.
•Some girls don’t really know what to talk about with a guy so they might tend to talk about things you don’t care about or go on and on about who said what. Don’t be mean about it even though you’re fighting boredom because it could have taken her a lot of courage to talk to you. Just show interest and change the subject to something more interesting, or politely exit the conversation.
•Do not chew gum when talking to her. You should throw it away, if there are no trash bins, do not chew with your mouth open, pop, or blow bubbles.
•Don’t ever talk about sports unless she likes sports, and don’t boast about how you beat this other person.

How I pity him and how will i be with him?

Ok so just the other day i was making my food in the kitchen and my brother was there. We started talking about my friend and somehow it led to the topic of whom we like and cant get over and how we share the same feelings and understand eachother. And when we were talking suddenly he said “Yes i had a girl i loved. Remember Karina?” and i thought back of the times in my home country Norway. I remembered my brother having fell in love with a girl. So he went back to what he was saying “Did i ever tell what happened with her?” i said no so he continued. “Well one day i was sitting on the goal in the park and there was a girl standing on the balcony. I looked a her and how beutiful she looked and she looked at me then looked away. She looked at me and i looked away then we looked at eachother and our eyes met. After that we got to know eachother and eventually we fell in love. But you remember we had to move? Well we were together for two years and when  we moved we still kept in touch. Then one day, you might not remember this since you were so young, we went back to that town and i was looking forward so much to see her i cant even put it into words! Then i saw her dad so i ran up and the first thing he said to me was “we need to talk” and we went inside Karina’s house. I sat there worried but eager.” he continued with a smile i have never seen before, not only did my brother smile with his lips but with his eyes. then it quickly faded away and he continued “So there i was sitting on the sofa when her dad told me Karina died of a asma attack” At that moment my heart skipped a beat.  I was totally speechless and my mind was blank. There was nothing i could say nothing to comfort him with. I just sat there. I never once knew that my own brother had such a tradgedy. He was 11 or 12 years of age when he found out the love of his life died after waiting months to see her again…it broke my heart to hear something so sad. It has been three years since and it all made sense. A few days ago i told my friend how my brother used to be the cutest little child around, blond hair blue eyes alays laughing i looked up to him then i told her how he is the totally oppesite now, barely sais sorry, rude, mean. and so different but i never once stopped to think why he was so sad why he went to therapy why he entered depression…he lost the girl of his dreams…the girl he loved with all his heart at such a early age…how i pity him…

Innocent Kissing

“The Art of Kissing” may seem like an innocent relic. But Kristen Tsetsi links the 1938 book to the reasons the National Association of Attorneys General suggested a nationwide initiative against teen dating violence just yesterday.

Editor’s Note: The following is a commentary. The opinions expressed are those of the author and not necessarily the views of Women’s eNews.
 

(WOMENSENEWS)–Almost 70 percent of all teens who had sex by age 14 have gone through one or more types of abuse in a relationship. One in five, or 20 percent, of all 13- to 14-year-olds in relationships say their friends have been struck, hit or slapped in anger by a boyfriend or girlfriend. Forty percent of 11- and 12-year-olds report that their friends are victims of verbal abuse.

Those are some of the unsavory facts released July 8 by Teenage Research Unlimited in a survey on tween (11-14) and teen dating violence and abuse.

They join an already robust database of similar statistics. The federal National Crime Victimization Survey found that in 2006 an estimated 272,350 victims age 12 and older were sexually assaulted, despite reported declines in violent crimes overall.

In March the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network reports college-age women are four times more likely to be sexually assaulted than any other group.

Yesterday, in concert with the data release, Attorney General Patrick C. Lynch of Rhode Island, the president of the National Association of Attorneys General, urged attorneys general to implement teen dating violence education policies and curriculum in every state in the country.

Dangerous Artifact
My hope is they begin by issuing a warning to parents, tweens and teens about one cultural artifact in particular, “The Art of Kissing,” by Hugh Morris.

This seemingly innocuous 1938 book may seem like something you’d only find gathering dust in an antiquarian book shop, but in fact it’s selling online.

Its Amazon ranking is low, but it is generating some sales there and clicks elsewhere on the Web as well.

More bothersome than its potential popularity is how book sellers are presenting it. “Parody,” or “retro entertainment,” would be appropriate. But one seller categorizes it as etiquette. Another suggests it as a reference on “practical romance.”

My guess is that any girls and boys impatient for an introduction to their sexuality and sexual propriety would find it interesting.

Kissing is, after all, the first great mystery. But what they’ll also get here is a book with a section that reads like a date-rape tutorial. Girls, the author teaches, are objects to be acted upon and manipulated by boys.

The first illustration in the book is of a young woman tucked between a man and the high arm of a couch. “Arrange it so that the girl is seated against the arm of a sofa,” the caption reads. Later, in the text, he explains why: “In this way, she cannot edge away when he becomes serious in his intentions.”

Primitive Message
To the extent any unsuspecting boy or young man treats it as a trusty, time-honored guide to girls he runs the risk of adding to the kind of statistics in the Teen Research survey. “Sex is a powerful force not to be denied,” is the book’s essential message. “Look here, this is how you get it.”

“He must be the aggressor,  “He must always give the impression of being his woman’s superior, both mentally and especially physically . . . He must be able to sweep her into his strong arms, tower over her . . . All of these are impossible when the woman is the taller of the two . . . The kiss becomes only a ludicrous banality . . . Nothing could be more disappointing.”

Morris doesn’t stop there.

“If she flinches, don’t worry. If she flinches and makes an outcry, don’t worry. If she flinches, makes an outcry and tries to get up from the sofa, don’t worry. Hold her, gently but firmly, and allay her fears with kind, reassuring words. Remember what Shakespeare said about a woman’s ‘No!'”

No Means Yes
No means . . . yes? In fact, the only time a boy should stop forcing himself on a girl, according to Morris, is if she “flinches, makes an outcry, a loud, stentorian outcry, and starts to scratch your face.” Then, Morris says, a boy should “start to worry or start to get yourself out of a bad situation.”

Then he blames the girl. “Such girls are not to be trifled with . . . or kissed. It is such as they, in most cases, who still believe the story of the stork which brings babies because of the consequences of a kiss.”

When it comes to this notion of the girl or woman being at fault, it’s clear some thinking hasn’t changed enough since the 1930s.

 In early May about her own recent sexual assault at an outdoor college campus party, people posted online comments blaming her for being out “alone,” even though she was surrounded by other students. We learn this behavior, whom to blame, whom to let slide, through subtle and not-so-subtle cues such as those in “The Art of Kissing.”

It was difficult to find even one negative review of Morris’ book online, but I did find one. “It promotes date rape in a comedic way. Not the best thing for people to be reading this century.”

I agree, except I would add that I’m not happy boys were reading this in 1938 either. The cultural roots exposed in this book at least partially explain why a U.S. attorney general initiative is required today for teen dating violence.

How to make good sex great?

Are you and your partner having good sex — or great sex? Good sex is sex that is generally satisfying and leaves each partner feeling emotionally and physically fulfilled. Great sex is the same, except it is more intense and more uninhibited … the kind of sex you don’t soon forget!

Many couples in long-term relationships assume that adventurous and uninhibited sex is a thing of the past. This is particularly true when people get stuck in a “good sex” rut — they go through the same motions every time because it gets the job done. When it is over, each partner has been satisfied … but there certainly weren’t fireworks.

For instance, a couple recently came to see me at the Berman Center seeking help for their love life. Despite their happy marriage, Keith and Elizabeth were experiencing intimacy issues. Sex was infrequent, and when it did occur, it often was dull and monotonous. However, between their full-time jobs and raising three kids, neither of them thought they had time to reignite the passion in the bedroom.

In addition to working with them to make space for themselves and each other in their busy lives, I gave Keith and Elizabeth some “homework” to get back in touch with each other’s bodies. I instructed them to engage in a night of VENIS — very erotic no-intercourse sex. In the VENIS program, you can be as imaginative and provocative as you want — massage oils, feathers, body paint, props, etc. The only rule is “no intercourse.” The idea is to enjoy each other’s bodies without rushing toward the finish line. Before sending Keith and Elizabeth off to VENIS land, I supplied them with a basket full of erotic goodies: chocolate body paint, handcuffs, a vibrating rubber ducky and blindfolds. When they came back in for their next session, they told me that their night of VENIS was the best “sex” they ever had!

Here are other ways to turn “good” sex into “great” sex:

The fantasy box: Create a fantasy box and store it in your bedroom. You and your partner should write down your fantasies on little slips of paper and place them in the fantasy box. Every once in a while, when your sex life needs a little extra oomph, dip into the fantasy box and start playing! Making fantasies come true is a great way to bring spice back into the bedroom.

Tantra: Tantric sex not only prolongs sex and improves the quality of orgasms, it also helps increase the emotional intimacy between you and your partner. One great tantric tool is “soul-gazing.” Here’s how to do it: When you are both undressed, sit on the bed facing each other and place your right hand over your partner’s heart and gaze into your partner’s left eye. Synchronize your breathing while you maintain eye contact. Soul-gazing returns sex to that sacred space where intercourse is a holy, valued activity between two people in love.

Bring “sexyback:” Most women need to feel sexy in order to feel sexual desire. However, between driving in traffic, rushing to make dinner and getting the kids in bed, women often feel harried and unattractive at the end of the day. This is where the importance of “me” time comes in. It may sound cliche, but unless you make time to recharge, nurture yourself and get in touch with your senses (massage, bubble bath, pedicure), it will be hard to feel sexy. You may even invest in a little bit of sexy lingerie. Once you start to feel sexy on the outside, it might change the way you approach intimacy. Who knows? You might even be inspired to give your man a little lap dance.

The bottom line is that great sex isn’t as far away as you think. With just a little bit of work, any couple can have fireworks in the bedroom … even on a regular Monday night!